Traces of Alcohol

Usually I'd put fcs here but i have none so yeah

"Hey, you two", Beck greets them. It's barely six, so the bar is still empty and lit, with only the presence of the bartender, whose friends came to kill some time until the evening rush. "Sorry I didn't pick up the phone, I forgot it somewhere."

"You sure?" Virginia asks with a smile Beck decides not to trust.

"Give it back. Brighton, tell her to give it back."

"Sorry, mate. I was a part of the fraud", Brighton says and pulls Beck's phone out of his sports bag.

"What fraud?" he asks, and as if on queue, fills up two glasses with juice and hands them over. "If you've destroyed it, you're paying for it."

"We're paying, alright", Virginia says and sips from her glass.

Beck goes through his phone and looks up, confused.

"Did you even do anything?"

"Sure we did." Virginia says and nudges Brighton.

"Trust us to always be mischevious. Check your messages." Beck does.

"The fuck is Al? I don't know anybody named Al."

"You do now."

"Poor Al. I'll tell her that she was a part of a shitty joke."

Brighton and Virginia sit in silence for a second before bursting into laughter. Beck glares at them until they speak

"You kind of can't."

"What?"

"Do you-do you know that site… oh god", Brighton can't make it through a whole sentence, and Virginia is wiping tears out of her eyes so they wouldn't ruin her make up. "There's this thing online where you pay someone to send you text messages and pretend it's your girlfriend for like a week."

"Why… why would you do that?" Beck's looking between the two with the same confused look.

"You seemed lonely, darling", says Virginia and leans over the counter to take Beck's hat. She does that successfully, and puts the hat on.

"I'm only lonely because both of my geographically named friends rejected me", he huffs.

"So we got you a geographically named girlfriend", Brighton shrugged. "Get it? Because isn't Al Alabama or Alaska or something? Also, Al from this angle looks like artificial inteligence, my god, Virginia, you're a genius."

"It's in the name."

"Jesus have mercy on my sinning soul", Beck taps the little icon on the screen. "What do I write to this poor person?"

"Anything, the site said. But sexting."

"Damn, there go my evening plans."

Beck fiddles with the phone for a second and it buzzes. He looks up.

"It's Al."

"Of course it is. We scheduled a text once a day for you", Virginia clinks her now empty glass with Brighton's. "What does it say?" Beck reads out loud:

"'Hey, just wanted to check up on you. How's your day been?' She's boring, guys, you messed up."

"She's not", Virginia says and taps her glass. "Fill me up, bar man."

"Talk with her about something."

"But that's boring. What am I supposed to do with a generic person?" Beck slides Brighton's untouched glass to Virginia. "Talk about the weather and the politics in our country? We'll break up in less than a week."

"Actually this wasn't such a good idea, we'll make you never want to date again because it's nothing like the movies." Brighton moves away for a customer, who orders three beers for himself and his friends. Beck takes them out the fridge and passes them to him.

"This is a disaster. And just because your love life", he points at Virginia, "is shit, doesn't mean you have to ruin mine."

"Ya know what", Virginia says, "give me a beer, it's going to be a long night if you keep on whining."

"I'm not-"

"Whatever."

[Thu 17:48] Hey, just wanted to check up on you. How's your day been?

[Thu 17:57] Hi al. Nothing much, just working. My friends brighton and virginia come over and make it less boring.

[Thu 18:04] Great! You didn't tell me where you worked?

[Thu 18:06] Bartender. Which is ironic because i dont drink. Im just the provider.

[Thu 18:07] That's nice

[Thu 18:10] What about you? Surely my work is more boring.

[Thu 18:14] Only if you consider being a secretary boring. But it's okay, I guess

-

"Day one. The test subject threatens to commit suicide."

"C'mon", Virginia says. They are in Beck's dorm, which he has even though he graduated two years ago. Nobody's ever shooed him out, so he stayed. Brighton is still on training, but Virginia decided to stop by without him. "She isn't that bad, is she? Does it feel like there's a robot talking to you, because that's very cool."

"No, it feels artificial-"

"Like a robot? I always wanted a robot girlfriend."

"Not like a robot!" Beck throws a pillow at her. "More like… I'm a child who's been diagnosed with cancer. She's treating me nice even though I'm bratty and annoying."

"That one is probably true", Virginia covers herself with the pillow as Beck throws another one.

-

[Fri 15:26] Ghdijsjhhvfvv(&-+00::*:&:*

[Fri 17:43] *you okay bro

[Fri 17:45] I dont get a smiley today? Also that was virginia. She messed with my phone.

[Fri 17:49] Of course you get one But I was at work, so I couldn't text you.

-

"Hey, Brighton?"

"Yeah, just quickly, I've training in fifteen minutes."

"As you do. Listen, I'm calling because something weird happened with Al."

"What?"

"She sent me this; 'you okay bro'. Literally."

"… that doesn't sound very strange to me."

"Not for Virginia. But it's strange for Al, because she sent it without a smiley, and she always sends smileys. Also, with a star. For a moment I thought it was someone else's text.

"I don't know. Doesn't seem too weird. Just do what you did before, maybe there was a glitch in the system. Listen, man, I really have to go. Bye."

"Bye."

-

[Fri 18:28] I'm finally home! How has your day been?

[Fri 18:34] Good i guess. Its friday so theres going to be extra work the next two days.

[Fri 18:36] You work during weekends?

[Fri 18:40] Yeah im a college kid. I work overtime to pay my student loans. What about you?

[Fri 18:43] I didn't go to college

-

[Fri 20:22] I just want to try something, wait.

[Fri 20:24] Go ahead

[Fri 20:25] *

[Fri 20:27] *hello mr roth. are you unsatisfied with my awesome service

[Fri 20:30] No i just wanted to see what the star does

[Fri 20:32] Which star?

[Fri 20:34] My apologies*

[Fri 20:36] *its an asterisk u dumb shit

[Fri 20:38] Nobody calls me a dumb shit except virginia*

[Fri 20:40] *that ur gf? virginia and beck sitting under a tree, b a n g i n g

[Fri 20:41] Shes as gay as john barrowman*

[Fri 20:43] *ah shame. what bout u

[Fri 20:44] Im more of an alan cumming*

[Fri 20:46] *the fuck is that guy

[Fri 20:47] You dumb shit. Also the fuck is you*

[Fri 20:50] *im not allowed to tell u but my name rhymes with kevin spacey

[Fri 20:51] Okay then, devin. Good night*

[Fri 23:16] *U WEAK PIECE OF DUMB MOTHERFUCKING SHIT WHO THE FUCK GOES TO SLEEP AT NINE MOTHERFUCKING IN THE EVENING FUCK

[Sat 01:27] *PARTY HARD AND WATCH BBC ONE

"Oi, lover boy", Virginia grabs a shell of a peanut and throws it at Beck. He looks up from his phone. "I'm starting to think this was a worse idea than I originally thought. You texting Al?"

"No, I'm texting Kevin Spacey."

"Sorry I'm late", Brighton sits on the bar chair and drops his sport bag under it. "Why are you texting Kevin Spacey?"

"No, it's…" he sighs, trying to figure out what to say to them. "The person who writes Al. They're real", he adds, as their expression changes. "They're just pretending to be Al. As a job, I guess."

"But why Kevin Spacey?" Brighton asks and stretches over the bar to grab a glass of water. "Sorry, mate, we had to do extra work today. I'm a dry sad little desert." Virginia pats his shoulder.

"Because they said their name rhymes with Kevin Spacey."

"Devin?"

"That's what I said, but they didn't reply."

"How do you know who you're texting?" Brighton asks, holding the glass like his first-born.

"I found out if you press the star—the asterisk—the person who's texting has to reply as themself, not the person you two created", Beck points at both of them.

"Translated", Virginia barges into the conversation, "he's spent more time talking to Kevin than Al."

"Damn it, I should have known", Brighton shakes his head. "You try to give him something nice and he messes up."

"Shut up", Beck says and returns to his phone.

"Hey, you're not allowed to be on your phone during work", Virginia says, and they all look around the empty bar.

"You know, you're right", Beck shakes his head and puts the phone down, "I should really be serving all these customers who haven't arrived just yet because they're working. It's an imperative for me that I work with invisible guests."

"That's low, man", Brighton says, "even for you."

"Yeah, my fragile female feelings are hurt", she says and holds her chest as if before a heart attack.

"Apologies." Beck returns to washing the glasses. "Kevin Spacey is rubbing off on me. They're extremely sarcastic and I'm picking up their character."

"Finally someone who can put you in your place. God knows Brighton and I have been trying to do that for years now."

"Our little boy has grown up", Brighton wipes imaginary tears fron his eyes.

"No, don't make this kinky, ew, do you talk to your mother with that mouth?"

"Can you two stop visiting me? Maybe you're the ones shooing the guests away."

-

[Sat 20:01] My friends dont let me text you*

[Sat 20:02] *fuck them

[Sat 20:06] Attempted. They refused twice, once because the girl was a lesbian and once because the guy was straight. Its cool cuz none of us have any interest for each other*

[Sat 20:07] *so im guessing youre looking for someone online then

[Sat 20:08] Not really they forced this upon me*

[Sat 20:10] *you really know how to turn on the ladies. consider me aroused

[Sat 20:13] Well damn if i can turn you on from this distance why am i even single? Oh wait its because youre a cynical git*

[Sat 20:14] *wait whats a git

[Sat 20:15] Are you uneducated*

[Sat 20:16] *no im american

[Sat 20:17] What the hell are you doing in england its not safe for your freedom and white privilege here*

[Sat 20:19] *oh no it is not safe for a straight white cis girl like me

[Sat 20:22] Actually not one of my friends or me is all of these*

[Sat 20:24] Good night, sweetie, I have an early day tomorrow

[Sat 20:26] WHO IS LAME NOW HUH KEVIN I SAY ITS YOU*

[Sun 00:32] *hey beck can i talk to you for a minute

[Sun 00:34] Good morning. I dont think you can cuz were not in the same room*

[Sun 00:35] *can u not right now please

[Sun 00:37] Okay, im sorry. Whats up*

[Sun 00:38] *how do u deal with loss

[Sun 00:40] I dont. I let it boil until i burst*

[Sun 00:43] *yeah i cant do that. im sorry for bothering you this late

[Sun 00:46] Whats wrong?*

[Sun 00:47] *nothing

[Sun 00:48] Youre lying. I mean, ok if you dont want to talk about it but dont say that nothings wrong cuz it obviously is*

[Sun 00:50] *i dont know you well enough to tell you

[Sun 00:53] Thats only a reason more to tell me. Youll never talk to me again after this, and it might be easier to get it off your chest*

[Sun 00:54] *youll think im a horrible person which frankly i am but u dont need to know

[Sun 00:56] Spill it*

[Sun 01:06] Hey*

[Sun 01:07] *wait

[Sun 01:18] *ok. im from alabama and i finished high school there and went to college. i met j there, we were the same course and we hit it off. i mean he did, because he was my outlet whenever i needed a quick get off but i was more to him i guess and the idiot proposed? on our third year? like i dont even know who i am at 21 how am i supposed to commit like that. so i kinda moved here and told him there was this awesome college in uk. j said he wanted to move here as well but he couldnt afford it so hes now home convinced that when i return home ill marry him. the worst part is ive been here for three years bc i told him i flunked the last year three times and now he thinks im stupid and still wants to marry him like what

[Sun 01:19] I dont know what to say*

[Sun 01:21] *dont say anything. im just glad i got this off my chest. its late and im on my period and im tipsy all of these combined make me an emotional person. goodnight mr b

[Sun 02:03] I dont think youre a horrible person*

-

"Kevin had a breakdown", Beck says, aiming the basketball into the basket. He misses, and Brighton takes it. He leads it to Beck, then stops.

"What?"

"Oof", Beck exhales to regain his breath. He takes the ball from Brighton. "Enough of this, none of us know how to play. I said that Kevin had a breakdown last night, she told me about a guy or something and she's an awful human being and all that jazz."

"What did you say to her?"

"I said that she's not." Brighton looks at Beck in disappointment.

"That's awful. You really know how to talk with a girl."

"Shut up, it's not my fault I'm socially inapt because I have shitty friends."

"Hey", Virginia calls from a bench near the two. "I may have headphones in but I still hear you two bullshitting your way through life. Beck, you need to up your game, mate, if you ever want a chance with that girl."

"Huh", he laughs, "yeah right. Like we're ever going to meet."

"Have hope", Brighton puts his hand on Beck's shoulder. "Be a good Christian boy."

"Nobody in my family is Christian. Oh, wait, I think Kevin is, because she's from Alabama. Reason more we won't be a thing, ever."

Virginia sighs and shakes her head.

[Sun 10:56] What are you in relation to me*

[Sun 11:00] *for starters im sexier

[Sun 11:01] Youre in a good mood*

[Sun 11:03] *well i burst so i guess im fine now. drake helps

[Sun 11:04] Whos that are u cheating on me*

[Sun 11:06] *drake the rap hip hop artist god

[Sun 11:08] Ew i listen to real music*

[Sun 11:09] *im breaking up with you

[Sun 11:11] So we are an item*

[Sun 11:12] *not if you dont like drake

[Sun 11:14] What?? Wait ill right that wrong*

[Sun 11:15] *i love a man who tries. grrrr

[Sun 11:17] But dont you like Billie Holiday or something?*

[Sun 11:18] *whos he

[Sun 11:19] Oh my god*

-

"Beck. Beck. Beck Roth." Virginia waves her hand in front of Beck's eyes. He winces.

"I know that look." Brighton says, half asleep. It's almost three, and they're just about to close up.

"The sleep-deprivation look?" Beck yawns.

"No, the I-want-to-bang-someone-but-I-guess-I'm-alone-tonight look."

"Alone with your imagination", Virginia sips her whiskey.

"Or a computer", Brighton adds and takes the whiskey from Virginia. She makes a whining noise.

"Ew", Beck says. "You say that like I'm shallow."

"You, my friend", Virginia retrieves her whiskey and toasts, "are the shallowest person I know. That's why you wear that stupid hat everybody hates."

"You guys hate my hat?"

"I think it's time to get you two boys home. I'm calling a cab."

-

[Mon 02:47] Do you like hats*

[Mon 02:49] *what the fuck do you want i was motherfucking sleeping

[Mon 02:51] Do you like hats*

[Mon 02:52] *theyre hot

[Mon 02:53] Good then you find me hot*

[Mon 02:54] *are you drunk

[Mon 02:55] I dont drink*

[Mon 02:56] *dont seem like it sugar

[Mon 03:00] I really dont. Virginia and brighton drink but i dont*

[Mon 03:04] *u live in denial. i drink a lot of whiskey with a small amount of ice bc then u can fake it and say youre drinking ice tea

[Mon 03:06] Im naming a drink after you*

[Mon 03:07] *is that something u usually do

[Mon 03:09] Yeah. Virginias is gin with nuts bc she likes peanuts a tad too much and brightons is vodka and a whole lotta water*

[Mon 03:11] *whats yours

[Mon 03:13] I dont drink*

[Mon 03:14] *sure

[Mon 03:17] hi this is virginia i can assure you that beck doesnt drink even a little bit bc i do and brighton does so he has to drive

[Mon 03:20] Hi, Virginia. It's a bit late, don't you think?

[Mon 03:21] OH SHIT

[Mon 03:21] IM SORRY

[Mon 03:22]*

[Mon 03:23] *virginia sweetheart ur my second fav person rn people are staring at me im laughing

[Mon 03:24] wait what the fuck are you doing around people this late*

[Mon 03:25] *good night virginia. good night mr roth. it really is late

-

[Mon 11:21] Hey sorry about yesterday*

[Mon 11:25] Okay i get my lesson i should stop being a dick and wake you up.*

[Mon 11:30] How is your day?

[Mon 11:31] Yeah like you care*

[Mon 11:32] I'm busy today, but I guess that's for the best

[Mon 11:34] Kevin this is not how the deal goes*

[Mon 11:36] *if youre looking for the person in charge of Al, shes on vacation. Im a substitute.

[Mon 11:37] Sorry. Do you know when shell be back?*

[Mon 11:39] *im not allowed to share that information.

[Mon 11:41] Okay*

[Mon 15:11] Have you gotten home safely?

[Mon 15:13] I havent even begun working. Late night tonight.

[Mon 15:15] Well, good luck

"Kevin's gone", Beck announces.

"What?? You killed her?" Virginia exclaims. Brighton gazes at her and carefully takes the glass of gin from her hand.

"I think you've had enough. What do you mean, Kevin's gone?"

"The girl who replaced her says she's on a vacation", Beck puts the glass he's wiped away. "And the substitute is the most boring person on this planet."

"Shit, did I shoo her away?" Virginia asks.

"Probably not", Brighton says, "she said she liked you, right?" She nods. "Then no."

"Maybe she doesn't like me", Beck says, glancing at the door, as if he wishes that someone in particular would stop by.

"Aww, sweetie", Virginia coos, "I like you."

"Not in a way he wants to, Gin", Brighon says, creating bubbles in his drink from trying to hide laughter.

"Is everything about sex with you, mate? For real. I hoped for higher calibre of friends."

"Well fuck it. You're stuck with us", Brighton shrugs. "I mean you could just dump us, but I don't recommend it."

"What would I do without my two wacko friends? I have no idea."

"That better not be sarcasm, Roth. Give me back my Gin, Brighton."

-

[Wed 21:06] *option numero uno. killing someone. numero dos. killing myself. they both seem like a fuckload of fun.

[Wed 21:07] Kevin?*

[Wed 21:08] *what up weirdo

[Wed 21:10] I missed you*

[Wed 21:12] *ew dont even. dont u want to know where ive been

[Wed 21:13] I know where youve been*

[Wed 21:15] *oh yeah prove it

[Wed 21:16] Youve been to alabama to j*

[Wed 21:17] *how the fuck do u know that

[Wed 21:19] I facebooked alabama and j and went through the people there. he posted about his loves heart belonging to another blah blah*

[Wed 21:20] *bullshit i only told the motherfucker that were not going to be together

[Wed 21:22] So you travelled all the way to america to tell the man no*

[Wed 21:25] *i travelled all the way to america to tell the man to fuck the fuck off and leave me alone i might have mentioned u but thats irrelevant

[Wed 21:26] In what context*

[Wed 21:27] *what what context

[Wed 21:28] I mean what am i to you*

[Wed 21:29] *not this bullshit again please

[Wed 21:31] You never answered my question though*

[Wed 21:33] *oh my god

[Wed 21:34] That's not an answer*

[Wed 21:35] *u are this dude im texting as a part time job

[Wed 21:36] Ouch right in the heart im offended*

[Wed 21:39] Hey, al, i think im going to sleep now.

[Wed 21:40] *LIAR ure still at work

[Wed 21:41] Good night, Beck

[Wed 21:57] *two can play that game mr roth two

[Wed 21:59] Wait am i the second roth youve tricked into liking you*

[Wed 22:01] *you know, ill go. jet lag and bad life choices

[Wed 22:03] What am i supposed to do now like work or something*

[Thu 02:34] Good night*

-

"I like Kevin", Beck announces. "I don't know why."

"Oh God", Virginia groans, "I'm not mending yet another broken heart." They exit the bar onto the street. Brighton left before them, saying something about early training.

"But I like her weirdly." When Virginia raises an eyebrow, he clarifies. "Like, at the same time I wish I'd destroy her in a pillow fight and I wish we watched a movie and fell asleep stacked upon one another."

"Hm…" Virginia stays silent for a minute.

"What 'hm'?"

"It means that it's bad. This broken heart won't be fixed with ice cream and bashing her."

Beck shrugs and stuffs his hands into his pocket.

"I knew it."

[Thu 10:21] Hey i want to ask something weird*

[Thu 10:22] *no

[Thu 10:24] What no*

[Thu 10:25] *no bc most weird questions are motherfuckin weird

[Thu 10:27] Its been a week and thats for how long brighton and virginia paid for al which means i stop texting you today*

[Thu 10:28] *so

[Thu 10:29] Im starting to get the feeling you dont really like me that much*

[Thu 10:30] *im just sick of relationships tbh

[Thu 10:32] Im not suggesting anything, i just want to meet you face to face, maybe kick your arse in mario kart once*

[Thu 10:34] *first im the best in mario kart. second its ass not arse. also third, ill bite ok.

[Thu 10:35] Is that a yes*

[Thu 10:36] *i said okay are u stupid

[Thu 10:38] A bit. You gonna give me your number so we set up where are we going to meet?*

[Thu 10:41] *nah. for me u gonna try harder babe. well say where will meet today, then when we see each other well share numbers

[Thu 10:42] What if we dont meet because of some god known reason*

[Thu 10:43] *then u lost the chance to meet a tired jetlagged swearing motherfucking son of a bitch

[Thu 10:44] I thought you were a girl but i dont mind either way*

[Thu 10:45] *i am not a girl i am a queen

[Thu 10:46] Okay queen kevin*

[Thu 10:47] *why do u still think my name is kevin i can assure you its not

[Thu 10:48] It is until proven otherwise*

[Thu 10:50] *is that a clever trick to make me tell u my name

[Thu 10:53] It is anything but clever i assure you*

[Thu 10:56] *oh my god what am i to do with u

[Thu 11:00] Okay ill stop. Where are we meeting?*

[Thu 11:03] *im assuming that ure in this small village as well bc i know they pair up people who live near each other

[Thu 11:04] Are you calling Bristol a village*

[Thu 11:05] *yeah why not

[Thu 11:06] Where did you live then, NYC?*

[Thu 11:08] *no, a village in Alabama

[Thu 11:09] Bristolians everywhere are offended*

[Thu 11:12] *shut up. theres a bakery on the corner of third and chruchills. if you could get there tomorrow around five that would be great

[Thu 11:13] Bakery? How very british of you*

[Thu 11:15] *ta ra.

-

"Wait", Virginia stops Beck just as he's opening his mouth to speak. "If you're about to say something about Kevin, I'll kill you." Beck shuts his mouth and proceeds into Brighton's parents' house.

"Seriously?" Brighton asks. "You haven't shut up about her for this entire week."

"But it's important", Beck says, half-whining.

"I honestly doubt it but okay", Brighton says, earning himself a punch to the shoulder.

"I'm going to see her tomorrow."

"Totally willing to bet that she's a forty-year-old man." Brighton gets up and prepares to leave when Virginia grabs his hand. "Wait, don't."

"I'm a grown man", Beck exclaims, "and I am capable of my own… fucking… choices."

Brighton puts his arm on Beck's shoulder and drags him down.

"Sure you are, sweetie."

"Did you know that I can kill you with a spoon in three different ways?"

"No, can you?"

Beck shakes his head and slumps down, crossing his arms.

"Liar", Virginia drags the word for as long as she can. "But nevertheless. We'll help you. With the date."

"Who said it's a date?"

"Is it not?" Two pairs of eyes follow Beck in confusion.

"No."

"Then scratch everything we said." Beck makes a gesture of giving up.

Beck is fully aware he is early. He's also aware of just how early he is.

It is a quarter to four when he enters the bakery. Sure enough, there were some chairs and tables like in a café, so he decides to settle there until five.

He didn't find the will in him to come at a reasonable time. Excitement got the best of him, and even with Brighton's best try, Beck left the dorm at three fifteen. He took Virginia's advice though, he took off his hat, even though he wore it all the time. Just this once, he had to promise.

As he enters, a small bell rings and there is swearing in the back of the kitchen, he guesses, because the rest of the bakery is empty.

"Shit. One moment, please!" he hears, and wonders why Kevin picked this place in particular.

A girl a couple of years younger than him walks out of the room on the other side of the counters. Her hair is brown on the roots, and bleached everywhere else, and there's flour all over her apron and some on her nose.

"Hello. What can I get you?" she asks, in a light, north-irish accent, wiping her hands in her apron. "I'm sorry, the girl who was supposed be at the counter 'got sick', or at least she says so."

"No problem. Do you mind if I stay here, I'm waiting for someone", he asks, already eyeing a table for two.

"Sure, not at all. There is nobody here in the afternoon anyway. During my shift there's a rush only before noon, and I leave the evening rush to other poor souls", she twitters to Beck in a single breath and checks phone. Once she sees nothing new, she glances up. "Are you up for some pretzels? I'm testing out a new recipe, it might be great but it might be awful."

"Sure."

Beck heads to the table and sits down.

"Actually, you know what, I have an idea", the baker rushes and sits down next to Beck. "If that's alright with you, we might as well chat while you wait for whoever you're waiting for. The pretzels take a while."

"Yeah, of course."

The baker checks her phone again.

"So, tell me who's the lucky gal. Or guy. I honestly don't care."

"Why would I tell you?" Beck can't stop his shit-eating grin when the baker makes a shocked gesture.

"Why wouldn't you? Didn't your mother tell you to tell strangers your life story?" They laugh for a couple of seconds and Beck thinks, if the thing with Kevin doesn't work out, maybe visit the bakery once or twice. Or at least point Virginia here.

She checks her phone again and sighs.

"I keep checking and I know there will be no reply." Or, maybe not. Neither Virginia nor he like to deal with baggage, however selfish that might be Maybe Brighton? He's the nicest person out of all of them, which is evident fron the way Beck juggles the poor girl between them like she's inanimate.

"Bad breakup?" Beck asks.

"That too… never mind. Hey, how do you expect me to tell you my story, if you don't tell me yours?"

There is a beeping sound as the smoke alarm goes off, and the baker gets up.

"Motherfucking fucked-up pretzels!" she heads to the kitchen stomping, still yelling swears mainly consisting of 'fuck'.

And Beck realises he's so bloody stupid.

It's not a north-irish accent.

On her name tag it says 'Tracie'.

Not rhyming with Kevin, but rhyming with Spacey.

It's slightly underwhelming, but at the same time incredibly overpowering.

Beck drops his bag to the floor and takes out his beloved hat, dusts it off and puts it on. Nobody will dictate how he looks or how he dresses, not even his friends who only want best for him.

"Hey, everything okay there?" he asks, getting up and walking up to the counter.

"Yeah, yeah, just… this machine has a tendency to release steam and set fire to the baked goods."

"You know, I didn't picture you as a baker", he says daringly.

"What?" Tracie comes out holding two burnt pretzels in her hand. "They're still good though. You want one?"

"Sure." He takes the pretzel from her and gazes into her eyes.

"What?"

"Hi, I'm Beck Roth."

"Motherfucker!"

Beck bursts into laughter at her expression, and she punches his shoulder.

"You motherfucking piece of fuck! You can't do that, heart attack runs in my family, you're going to kill me!"

"I expected a nicer hello." She glares at him.

"Well I would hug you but I'm floury."

"I don't mind."

Tracie shoots him a wicked glance, and damn nearly pounces up at him in a hug. He hugs her back, enjoying the warmth, but is also surprised by the fact she's almost as tall as he is.

"You chose the right fucking day to wear a black shirt", she says as she lets go of him.

"I always wear black, I have like three shirts."

"Same."

"So what, your shift ends at five?" Beck asks, patting down his shirt. Tracie takes his hat, shoves it on her head and sits on the counter, dangling her legs side to side, so Beck sits on the table opposite her. "What is it with women and stealing my hat?"

"It's cute."

"Virginia says it's goddamn ugly." Tracie nods.

"Yes, that's right."

Beck sighs.

"Do you always not make sense?"

"Making sense is for losers."

"You're a loser."

"No, I'm an asshole, mind a difference."

"Dear Lord", Beck runs his finger's through his hair, something he doesn't do often. "Virginia would love you."

"Hey, shouldn't you be at work?" Beck shakes his head and watches as Tracie plays with the rim of his hat.

"I start later. Come and join us and prove Brighton you're a real person?"

"Can I?!" she jumps up abruptly and almost scares Beck off of his table.

"You'll give me a goddamn… fucking heart attack."

"My goal is to kill you and go out with Virginia."

"Why is your humour so similar to mine?" There's that wicked glint in her eyes and Beck thinks it's equal measures cute and bloody creepy.

"It's motherfucking destiny."

"Why do you keep saying 'motherfucker'? Only Oedipus was the true motherfucker."

"Well", Tracie stretches her fingers making a horrible cracking sound, "there's a rumour that J had a thing for his mum."

"Ew."

"Exactly. So I say that to annoy him telepathically."

"Don't think that's how it works."

Tracie growls, in the most literal sense of the word.

"I knew it. Americans are animals. I called it first."

Tracie sighs and glances at the burnt pretzel still in her hand.

"How's my pretzel?"

"I didn't know you baked."

"Of course I do", she says like it's the most apparent thing in the whole world. "What else would I be doing?"

"I honestly don't know."

"Is my motherfucking pretzel good or not?"

"Stop motherfucking swearing, it's goddamn rude."

Her grin is the best and the worst thing on the planet and Beck feels like he's falling, either in love or into Hell. Both seem like a reasonable option.